Skip to content

Category archive for: Heart to Heart

Confidence, Beauty and Sharing My Gifts (a Thanksgiving special offer!)

Hi friends!  I hope you’re all doing well and enjoying the start of this Thanksgiving week.

I wanted to share something that has been deep on my heart, but I’ve been too proud…or let’s be really honest, too fearful of sounding too desperate.

Ever since becoming a stay at home mom I’ve struggled with the feeling of not enough.  This started before becoming a mother, but has become a bigger source of insecurity since leaving the workplace (I was a middle school art teacher for 6 years).  

Now that our son is in school, our family has an extra expense that we truly believe will benefit our son.  And now he has the opportunity to add an extra day to his schooling a week which will help him even more!  

I am so passionate about helping women feel beautiful in their own skin.  That is why yoga, my artwork creating self portraits of women, and providing safer beauty for friends and family through Beautycounter are important to me.  VERY important to me. 

These modalities are a source of income for our family, and while I’m passionate about helping women find confidence in themselves, I want to feel confident knowing that through helping others I am helping provide for my family.  

And there is nothing wrong with admitting that…but for some reason it’s hard to write that out.  

The reason I share my heart about my career paths is that I want you to know where your money goes when you take a yoga class, commission a self-portrait, or buy beauty products from me. 

Your money goes to providing for my family.  And that brings me so much joy and happiness knowing that I am also financially taking care of my son.  It doesn’t have to be that way, but I know for me it helps me feel good…it helps me feel beautiful and confident.  

Thank you for allowing me to get that off my chest and out in the open!  I have these gifts I’ve shared with many, but I stifle the drive to pursue more for fear of looking desperate.  Why is it that when we have a gift that doesn’t have a degree tied to it we feel unworthy of using it for financial freedom?  I might be the only one who feels this way…but I doubt it.

So I’m ready to take OpenHeart Wellness to the next level.  Friends, this is my business.  And for this Thanksgiving week and weekend leading into Cyber Monday I am sharing my business with you!

Yoga videos are coming soon!  My goal is to film them and release before January 1st.  These videos will focus on our bodies but more importantly the truth about who we are as women and who we were made to be.  My favorite part of teaching yoga is providing a space where truth can be felt in the body and in the heart.

morgan

I will be offering my Women Are self portraits for 10% off!  Starting today and concluding Monday 11/27 midnight.  Click here to read more about them and gift a woman in your life who needs encouragement and truth about who she is.  To order reply to this email.

Also, sales from my Beautycounter will enter you into a drawing for a free lip gloss!  Purchases need to be made between today Monday 11/20 through Monday 11/27 midnight.  Link to my Beautycounter and their amazing holiday collections here!  Three entries for signing up for Band of Beauty (the flyer above explains it all.  Make sure to include Heidi Pasley as your consultant).  This month BoB’s free gift is No.1 Face oil…and friends…their face oils are my FAVES!!!  This one brightens your skin, leaving you looking more alive and honestly, I don’t wear foundation or face powder after applying this oil.  It’s. THAT. Good!

Thank you for allowing me to help you on your journey to feeling beautiful, more confident, and healthy.  I love love LOVE helping women find their authentic beauty.  And for helping my family.  That means the world to me!

Sophia Experience Palm Springs


FullSizeRender-3

This past week I attended a beautiful retreat in Palm Springs where six women  gathered together to celebrate one another.  To find tools we already had within to heal past wounds SLOWLY.  To release negative self-talk and to awaken our inner Sophia.  AND, we had a ton of good old fashion girl time!

The Sophia Experience Palm Springs was just what I needed!  I reached out to Morgan a few months ago asking if she’d consider a state side retreat.  Wishing I could join her in Italy on her abroad Sophia retreats, but knowing that just wasn’t in the cards for me…I selfishly suggested Korakia Pensione in Palm Springs (remember when Geoff and I went when we found out we were pregnant with Jack?  If not, here’s the blog post).

To my excitement, Morgan agreed that Korakia would be PERFECT!  And voila! Sophia Experience Palm Springs was in the books!  I was so thrilled to know that I was getting the chance to finally meet one of my teachers in person (I’d only known about her through her online yoga videos and her teachings on Facebook).  Also, the chance to have a couple nights away with girls…in Palm Springs…AT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL B&B?

I was over the moon!

Once the day arrived I was so giddy!  Geoff took me to PS for brunch then we headed back to Korakia.  It was so sweet to have him drop me off at the retreat.  We reminisced on our time there before a couple years ago, he took pictures of me finding my room (which happened to be next door to the one he and I stayed in before), opening up my gifts from Morgan.  He had me pose outside on the patio and under the bougainvillea surrounding the suit.

Then he left…and I was alone without my family

IMG_5988
IMG_6012For the first time since having our son, I felt deeply saddened to be away from home.  I knew I had some heavy work to do over the next couple days at the retreat.  Even being away from them an entire week while doing my Holy Yoga training wasn’t this hard.  I had this amazing suit all to myself but soon realized I was going to have a lot of time..with myself.  Not by myself…but WITH parts of me I love and parts of me I don’t.

I remember someone telling me that sometimes what we learn from God, one on one with Him, should stay with us.  It’s not meant to be shared with the rest of the world.  It’s intimate and personal between you and Him.  I feel that way about my experience in Palm Springs.  Of course I’ll share some bits and pieces…but not all of it because it’s meant to stay there.

We did some of the best yoga I’ve ever done!  Jumping, dancing, laughing crying, we road the entire wave of emotions on our mats.  And some of us practiced in our undies and lingerie!  So freeing!  I did NOT wear a bra most of the trip! We exhaled sighs and SMILED at every part of our bodies.  We learned about the chakras and how they manifest or correlate to other parts of the body.  We soaked in the pool, ate great food together, got dressed up together, and had some EPIC girl time!  We talked about SEX and FEMININE WHOLENESS!!!  And it felt SOOOOO GOOD to be open about everything.  

IMG_6054

We need to be free.

I learned just how closed off I am at allowing myself freedom.  I entered the retreat feeling so confident in myself, but quickly realized just how quick I am to hide my true self.  Like I’ve been walking around with this persona of a strong confident woman, but inside I still feel like the 7 year old girl who was awkward with a short boy’s hair cut, huge ears, and freckles. The new kid in school because she moved away from her family due to divorce, with a stepdad who didn’t want to notice her.  She was a shadow in her own home.   And the attention she received was a lot of bullying or being made fun for the way she looked and dressed at school.  She felt unseen and no one wanted to hear her.

Hard pill to swallow.

Coming face to face with that girl made me realize that I’m still her…and that I need to comfort her and show her how strong she is now.  That she is important and WORTHY of being seen and HEARD.  She is beautiful.  And SMART.

SIGH……

I’m sitting on my couch writing this a day before my 5 year open heart surgery anniversary and WHAT A RIDE I’ve been on since then.  So much self-discovery.  And I’m thankful.  The Sophia Experience really couldn’t have happened at a better time.  There is a theme to every form of self-care I’ve been a part of, whether through counseling with my therapist, seeing a psychic, working with my friend through Theta healing, my church, yoga and my artwork, and now this experience with Morgan and the rest of the Sophias there.

FullSizeRender (1)

I need to speak.  My block is my voice.  Allowing myself to truly be ME when I speak.  To own my words.  To not be afraid to be vulnerable and own up to not knowing what something means or sharing my point of view if it conflicts with someone else.  I’ve wanted to belong for so long that I’ve become a people pleaser and my voice got tangled up in it.  I also need to allow myself to listen to compliments.  To truths said over me…and own them as truths.  VERY, very hard, more so than speaking up for myself.

It’s a slow process, and that’ ok.  But in order for me to help others love themselves right where they are, I need to do the same.

I feel more FREEDOM already.

Mommy and Me: How it gave me confidence

FullSizeRender

I will be the first to admit that I go insane if I’m stuck in the house for more than 12 hours.  So the early days with Jack were definitely some of the hardest days, simply because being home 24/7, with the exception of a walk outside here and there and maybe a quick drive thru through Starbucks, was just how it goes with a newborn.  Also, the struggle was VERY real with breast feeding so on top of “failing” at that and not being around others made postpartum depression a reality for this new mama.

Although I do pride myself in getting out as much as I could to have coffee dates with my girlfriends who were also stay at home moms, or Geoff and I would take Jack out with us for a quick lunch, I realized what I needed was to see other moms in action with their little people!

The thought of mommy and me classes made me self conscious.  By the time we were ready to go to them (around 2-3 months) I was already back and forth between breast milk and formula, feeding Jack with a bottle…so the thought of being judged or being asked why I give my son a bottle gave me anxiety.  However, I finally took the plunge and signed up for bootcamp classes taught by my friend Bobbi.  She assured me that other moms would be there with their kids and if Jack cried she’d be more than happy to help him, feed him, whatever I needed!

I also signed up for mommy and me yoga classes.  This was the one I was most intimidated by because I knew more moms would be breast feeding their little ones.  Plus, yoga is such a huge part of my life, I didn’t want to look like I couldn’t do some poses like I used to!  The first class I was assured that it was ok to breast feed my baby if I needed.  At first I took it personally that it was assumed I breastfeed…and feeling like a failure crept up…and once Jack got hungry and I had to whip out the bottle…no one cared!

These classes gave me so much more confidence in my ability as a mother.  For the first 2 months of Jack’s life I felt like the biggest failure.  But being around other moms, actually NOT feeling judged for the way I feed my kid, and supporting one another and even helping each other out when our babies are fussy and mama just needs a breather, helped my bond with Jack grow even stronger.  Plus, I’ve made some really wonderful friendships through bootcamp and mommy and me yoga.  If you’re a new mom, or even a seasoned one, and feel you’re lacking in your mothering, check and see if you are involved with other moms?  Are you getting out of the house?  Are you sharing your struggles and victories with your friends?  Once I started getting out every day (bootcamp was MWF and yoga was T/Th) I noticed such a drastic change in how I treated myself and how much more I loved my son!  Confidence as a mom can be hard to come by with all the rules and opinions that are thrown at us daily.  But when you get the opportunity to be immersed with other moms, seeing that they too have their struggles and “failures” it makes motherhood that much more beautiful :)

FullSizeRender (1) FullSizeRender (2)

Our Weekend

IMG_0630[1]

Our weekend started out with Jack taking a 2.5 hour nap…on me!  Ha, I didn’t move from the couch and in all honesty it was glorious.  Typically I’d put him down about 10 minutes after he falls asleep on me but I was pretty tired myself from a busy week, and spending some quality time with my boy was what this mama needed.  We got a babysitter to watch him for the evening and off Geoff and I went to play Twighlight at the country club with our friends!

IMG_0636[1]

Saturday Geoff was in a golf tournament, Lollapalooza, where players are surrounded by bystanders yelling and shouting at them while they try to hit!  So much fun.  Last summer I was pregnant with Jack and both Geoff and I couldn’t wait to have Jack with us this summer.  Funny thing was he was quiet and alert the entire time we were out on the course, but when we were inside for a light dinner the screaming and fuss was frequent :)  awww babies…what can you do?

Sunday was spent kind of by myself…which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing!  Sometimes you need some alone time!  The message at church was right on point.  I can’t wait to get into the message our pastor has in store for us.  The theme is Storyteller and how God writes our stories, yet sometimes we want to write our own story.  I kind of feel like I’m on the cusp of God writing my story and me adding in my own twist.  It’s all an adjustment period right now, being a stay at home mom, depending on Geoff to be the monetary provider, while trying to figure out how I can still provide for my family.  Yoga seems to be what God is writing on my heart and I’m excited for this new season, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it’s been quite an adjustment going from working full time to staying home.

I’ve been loving teaching summer school and it makes me miss being in the classroom at times.  However, summer school is more like a dream come true!  Great, smart, and talented high school students for 4 hours a day, and for only 6 weeks?  Sign me up!  Doing this full time for an entire school year while being a mom is doable but not in my story at the moment.

IMG_0651[1]

Wow, a little tangent there :)  Feels good to get the chance to share a little bit of our life lately.  Alrighty friends, I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Our First Christmas with Jack

Processed with VSCOcam with b5 preset

Christmas this year was definitely different from previous years!  With the addition of our little man, some of our Christmas traditions were put on hold, like watching a Christmas movie every night the week before the big day, or driving around looking at the houses decorated with bright, festive lights.  Sleep became much more important than traditions :)

However, one tradition we could not pass up was watching a Christmas Story on Christmas Eve.  Geoff and I used to begin watching the movie at 10:30pm so it would finish in time to open stalkings at midnight, celebrating my birthday.  This year we started the movie at around 7pm and opened our stalkings during (multitasking has become a common practice in our household these days!).  We ate left over spaghetti and meatballs from my family’s Christmas a couple days earlier.  My grandma Helen’s spaghetti is a tradition on my mom’s side…soooo yummy!

I got to hang out with Jack around 3am for a feeding, so I pretended he just wanted to celebrate my birthday with me before everyone else.  I told him how much he’s going to love this day when he’s older.

Christmas morning was a treat for me!  Geoff and Jack hung out while the birthday girl slept in an extra 30 minutes!!!  It was truly a Christmas miracle that Jack slept in after his midnight snack.  We opened our family gifts.  Geoff bought me a necklace set from NS Pottery I had been eyeing as well as a fur vest I had been hinting about every time he went to Target.  I bought him a new messenger bag from Zara that he can take with him to work when he’s riding his bike.  We played with Jack a bit, got him dressed in his Christmas best, and started prepping the house for family to come over.  Fresh squeezed orange juice from our oranges was made by Geoff (enjoyed in mimosas of course) and skippers (little bean and cheese and chile verde burritos from a local Redland’s favorite, Oscars) were heated up in the stove.

The rest of Geoff’s side of the family came over as well as my mom to celebrate with us.  We snacked on Mexican food that we provided and my mother in law and sister in law brought over.  Gifts were opened, Jack was passed around between grandmas, happy birthday was sung while I ate a donut and sipped on a huge glass of wine (I only finished about a 1/4 of it because it has been a while since I enjoyed a large glass).  Later on everyone went outside to enjoy the fire pit, smoke cigars, while Jack and I sat back and watched Christmas movies that had been playing on repeat all day.

He slept on my chest…my favorite.  I honestly hadn’t been feeling any kind of Christmas spirit this holiday season.  I know it’s from adjusting to being parents, and having our world turned upside down.  Lack of sleep, feeling frustrated or like a failure stole a lot of the holiday vibes that we look forward to every year.  I was afraid that Christmas Eve and Day were going to feel the same.  When everyone left us to go outside I thought I’d be bummed, like I would be missing out.  But sitting with my little love, just the two of us while everyone else enjoyed each other’s company outside, I realized that there really was no other place I’d rather be, than holding my son while he slept soundly and happily in my arms.  His company filled my heart with so much love and joy that evening.

My love for him is the best gift I could have asked for.  Motherhood is hard, but man I wouldn’t trade it in for the world.

Hope you all had a lovely time with family and friends for the holidays!
IMG_9563 IMG_9568 IMG_9574 IMG_9575 IMG_9578 IMG_9588 IMG_9592 IMG_9603 IMG_9608 IMG_9616