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A Hard Pill To Swallow

 

This hurts.

I’m in a season right now where I am starting a new…moving into a new house in a new town, beginning a new school year at work, taking on more artistic endeavors.  Life is good, but it wasn’t a year ago.

A year ago.

I can’t help but reflect and remember my life a year ago in July-Sept.  One word to sum it up…

HELL.

Packing up the house to move has made me sort through items that I would have rather forgotten.  Bags from before and after the hospital.  The worst of my finds?

The pills.

So many pill bottles…mostly full.  All an attempt at curing what the unknown illness was.  Pills for the “cough”, pills for anxiety, beta blockers for my rapid heart beat, pills for a bacterial infection that I wasn’t meant to take…I read the labels and the uses for the pills before I threw them away.  Geoff wondered why I was looking at them for so long.

I was reliving those dark days before we had the answers.  I was taking it all in one last time, holding the evidence in my hands.

One bottle after the next, pouring out the pills, seeing all the bright colors, empty into the trash can.

I don’t need them.  I never needed them.

Last to be thrown away was hardest of all.  My hospital bracelet.

Eh…I have no words for how I felt when I saw it after so many months of being stuffed in a bag.  Why did I even keep it in the first place?

I threw away a time that brought me so much sorrow.  Yet, it was a time that has eventually brought me so much joy, growth, and awakening.  How different my life would be if I hadn’t gone through the suffering…HELL.

I know I will need heart surgery again…and that is a hard pill to swallow.  But knowing that I can survive it, that their is a bigger plan for my life, A BETTER PLAN, makes it easier to take.

Published inHeart to HeartInspire

2 comments on “A Hard Pill To Swallow

  1. Michelle on said:

    This brought tears to my eyes. I remember many times when all I could do is hug you and pray that answers would come for you. I’m so glad you are “healthy.” I put that in quotations because I know healthy is a loose term when you don’t know how long it’ll last. For now, you are a vibrant, lovely and wonderful friend and I am truly grateful for our friendship.

    After reading this, it makes me want to go through my cupboards and get rid of all the bottles of pills that I too never used.

  2. Debbie Cordero on said:

    I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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